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An UN-apology for being imperfect

Mar 14

This morning I sat down to blog about a recent styled shoot. As I typed away I found myself writing something more like a private journal entry than a post about my work. A completely honest and straight forward testament to being a creative entrepreneur who’s fighting a hard fight in today’s society & then all of a sudden as I wrote, God came into my heart and stole the show. He gave me the clarity that I’ve been asking for. The path to that ever allusive word…..”balance.” So, if you want to see me completely come apart and be partially put back together. Please, by all means, read on. If not, that’s ok too. I’d almost prefer that. (: Its not a pretty post & it isn’t something I even really feel comfortable letting people see. But i’m doing it, putting the ugly parts of myself out there, just in case one of you finds a bit of solace here.

We get ourselves all caught up in the daily grind. Trying to keep up with a fast paced world…where we’re either making people feel like they aren’t enough with our posts, or feeling like it’s us who can’t compete with the things we see. We run the race as fast as we can, like mice running through a maze to get to that cheese. Only mine is cake. Yellow with chocolate icing…IF we’re getting down to details.

Wake up, make-up (or don’t, like me on most days), check Instagram to see if you measure up, throw on your workin’ mama pants, or your stay at home mom pants, or in my case…work-from-home-AND-mom-AND-somehow-run-a-business pants. You then do what you can to get shit done before the world wakes and starts driving their trains at an alarming rate in your direction!
Now let’s talk about that train for a second. Some days I’m racing it, some days I’m begging for it to come my way, some days I think it might derail AND some days I lay track with the best of ‘em! This is what we do. Us women who own businesses. We race the clock, the world, each other, our families. We. Flat. Out. RUN. And we will not say sorry for it. At least not today! Not while we’ve got our heads down and we are laying more track for the train that will (in our minds) inevitably derail or even worse…pass us by if we come up for a breath or slow down for even a second. We. Never. Stop. Not until we get forced to, that is. We run until we get knocked down, or trip and fall, or heck, just pass out on those tracks we’ve been laying out of pure exhaustion. No ropes needed here, y’all. THIS mama is on the tracks for the taking, and all in the name of success.

& what about the one who’s doing all that track laying?! Other people see how she takes life and runs with it. Thinking she might have her shit together in that “I make this whole running and growing a business thing look realistic, and I still get a massage sometimes” kind of way. BUT, in all reality, she’s the silent “sufferer.” By her own hand, of course. Don’t get me wrong, she freaking LOVES her career and her family even more! But man, has she has become a slave to laying tracks. Tracks that once they’ve been traveled down a time or twenty, will likely fill with weeds and grass and eventually be taken over by Mother Nature yet again. Lets be real, the state doesn’t send inmates from the county jail *in orange jumpsuits* to clean and keep up the tracks SHE lays. And if she keeps laying at this pace, she won’t be able to keep them up for long herself. So, she’s come to a proverbial crossroads. To lay, lay, lay…or to simply stay? To keep pace so as to not be caught by her competition, or to press pause and enjoy that success she’s worked SO hard for.  Does she catch her breath or see if she can hold it for another 30 seconds while she just puts a few more nails in a few more ties….

In one moment, as if God himself was speaking right out loud to her, she found it. The reason, the clarity, the end-all-be-all-momentous quote from the big guy himself, straight to her heart.

Be you, and they’ll want you. BUT don’t be someone you’re not just to gain clout. Make time. Mostly for your family and let that make the world want your time to work even more. Be present. At home, with friends AND with your clients. Make them all feel like they’re worth the time you’re taking, because by seeing you…the REAL you (via your social media & in real life), they will grow to respect the fact that you are finally choosing JOY. Then they will want a little piece of that. The refreshing you that makes time for adventure off in the field with your baby girl and favorite guy, while the tracks you’ve so hastily laid sprout dandelions in the distance. Let the tracks grow weeds, and let them be all the better for it. Wildflowers are weeds to some, and thistles are gorgeous! You just have to learn how to handle them. How to wear gloves to protect your hands from thorns (you know…like comparison), and be gentle not to squeeze the stem too hard (that would be your own self confidence and worth) so it can still get water from that vase in your kitchen window. Let it have some sun. The real sun. The kind of daylight that is still, and calm, and a little comforting somehow. Let your life choices refill your cup so you can keep pouring from it. Lay the tracks…. lay them well…. but only at the pace you want AND only to the places you want to see. Lay track to new clients who appreciate your art. And go back to tend the tracks of the clients who are really more like friends. Move forward, without fear of derailing, because you are suddenly free. Free to go wherever the hell you please, at whatever pace you so choose, and if you let it, the world might just come right alongside you in the journey! Hell, you might even find a person or two to help you lay those once daunting tracks! Wouldn’t that be something?!

 

Dear God, first im sorry for cursing..I’m working on that… if my words fall short here, I just pray that you’ll help me get the message out there. I’m praying that I can see this journey through. That you’ll put your hands all over this and that you’ll help us grow our business in a direction that’s for you! I hope I can take this crazy life & turn it towards giving people hope, the way you just gave it to me. I’m praying you’ll help me gather up my dreams. Help me and my business be a light to the people we work with/serve. & if you can, please guard Myla’s heart. Dont let this world change her. & if you’re in a giving mood, would you maybe guard mine, too? This post has me all kinds of worried about harsh criticism. I LOVE YOU! So much more than I can really even say. So, i’m gonna show you.

 

 

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